What happens when the path ends...

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I graduated college five months ago…WOAH. I literally just texted two college friends after writing that because it didn’t feel like the right number. It feels like I’ve lived an entire life since then, and yet those five months also flew by.

To be honest, I’ve felt kind of lost since graduating. I started this newsletter to help me find myself—and hopefully help others do the same—but I’ve been kicking that can down the road.

Why? Because figuring it out is no small feat. And between work, my own projects, and trying to build a social life, I’ve been spread pretty thin.

Here are some thoughts I’ve been working through recently:

My entire existence up to this point has been me putting everything I had into the milestones laid out for me on the paved road of life.

I worked tirelessly in high school trying to get into a good college.

I dedicated myself in college to graduate with top honors.

I did internships every summer to help secure a great job after graduation.

Now, as I look for what comes next, I realize I’ve reached the end of the road. That’s scary. What’s even scarier? I’m realizing the road was never there to begin with.

I’ve spent much of my life making choices to satisfy the expectations of my family, friends, and community. I’m starting to see that those choices came at the cost of falling short of my own expectations.

Goals and dreams that were drowned out by the noice of societal expectations are rushing back. I’m remembering the things I LIVED FOR as a kid.

The problem now is deciding what to chase. There are so many things I want to pursue, and so little time.

The typical societal rebuttal is, “Don’t worry, you have time.” My friend Grace and I agreed we hate that saying. Because we really don’t have time. We get one life on this planet, why waste any of it working towards things you don’t want?

In the past, my decisions carried less weight because they had explicit expiration dates.

Picking the wrong school would last at most 4 years.

Picking the wrong internship would last at most a few months.

Now my decisions feel indefinite. If I’m not careful, I could wander down the wrong path for the rest of my life. It’s on me to stay on the right path, and to shift course when I realize I’ve strayed.

Which brings us back to society’s expectations. The right path for me may not be what society thinks is right. If I choose what I want instead of what others expect, many people won’t understand—and I’ll probably hear about it.

But I need to be okay with that. It isn’t my job to make others understand my choices—it’s my life. When I decide, I bring my full vision for the future, a clear sense of what I’m capable of, and the willingness to work to make the choice the “right” one. Other people don’t have that context, and they don’t need to.

This is my life. If I want to take control of it, it’s up to me to decide what I want to pursue, and to have the courage to leap and go after it.

I hope you go after what you want, too.

Until next week.

Step by step,

Nathan

P.S. Exploring the Japanese concept of Ikigai has been an interesting though experiment recently

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