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Own your choices
Why seeking validation often leads to doubt, and how to trust yourself again
Nathan Kochera
November 11, 2025
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We have a natural tendency to look for external validation in our decisions.
Deciding on a school.
Career.
Life partner.
I know I often look to my friends and family for validation. A second opinion can be helpful while working through big decisions, but it can also lead to increased feelings of self doubt.
Needing external validation tells our brains that we need permission to make decisions. This leads to a lack of confidence, and we can end up losing ourselves by making decisions that others think are right instead of what we think is right.
When you ask others for advice, you should be looking for lessons not answers. Learn from others, their journeys, and their decisions to get context around your own decisions, but in the end it’s up to you to make your own choices.
YOU are the only person that knows what you want.
If you go through life letting others make your choices, is it really your life?
Until next week.
Step by step,
Nathan
P.S. You should definitely spend your next 1 minute and 39 seconds watching this video of Steve Jobs talking about how you can control your impact on life
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