How to win without beating anyone

Not a subscriber yet? Sign up here

Throughout my 19 years of school, I took a lot of tests.

But the moments that have stuck with me aren’t the tests themselves, it’s the days I got the tests back.

When getting exams back, my friends and I would turn to each other and say:

Then we’d compare, and see who scored the highest.

Growing up with three brothers, I’ve always been competitive. So naturally, I wanted my score to be the highest.

The result — the comparisons influenced my behavior.

After a “poor” performance, I spent extra time studying for the next exam.

After a “great” performance, I stepped off the gas and became complacent.

I put quotes around “poor” and “great” because these judgements were wrong.

Why?

Because I was measuring myself against the wrong standard.

I was measuring myself against others.

We all do this.

Sometimes it’s comparing to individuals — like my exam days. Other times it’s comparing to society. Either way:

Comparisons distort your worldview.

Compare yourself to someone behind you, and you risk complacency.

Compare yourself to someone far ahead, and you risk discouragement.

Compare yourself to society, and you risk losing something far greater:

Your uniqueness.

Your ambition.

Your joy.

All for the sake of “fitting in.”

The solution:

Break the cycle.

If you must compare yourself to someone, make it yourself.

Set your own goals.

Work toward them.

And when you hit them, take pride — because the only person who can truly judge your progress is you.

Be proud of how far you’ve come.

And choose your next steps for yourself.

🌱 This week’s step worth taking

Think about an area in your life you’ve been comparing to others — relationships, career, education.

This week, set one goal in that area that’s 100% yours.

Work toward it. And measure your progress only against yourself.

📚 Worth the Read

The first book I recommended was Atomic Habits by James Clear. This newsletter issue from the same author hits on a lot of themes covered in Steps Worth Taking:

• 3-2-1: On living a well-rounded life, managing risks, and enjoying the worst-case scenario by James Clear

🔄 Misstep of the week

I’ve been traveling Europe for the last two weeks, which means I’ve had A LOT to fit into my agenda.

Restaurants, shops, beaches… too much to do in too little time.

At times I’ve found myself rushing around to check things off my list, and in the process, ruining small moments of the day by being in a hurry.

For the rest of my trip, I’m trying to slow down, because how often do you get to walk down streets like these.

🙌 Step Spotlight

Injuries can be brutal for athletes — both physically and mentally. Quinn dislocated his knee at the start of his spring volleyball season, but instead of giving up, he committed to physical therapy and worked hard until he was cleared to play by summer.

Way to go, Quinn! We could all use resilience like yours 💪

Want to be featured in next week’s Step Spotlight? Respond to this issue with a step you’ve taken that you’re proud of.

Until next week.

Step by step,

Nathan

P.S. I’m going to be doing this this week, you should too

Follow along with steps I’m taking on
Instagram, LinkedIn, X